我觉得这句I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006.
应改为I have just graduated from Zhejiang University
这样比较强调你是刚毕业的，just表示出了就近时间毕业的
所以没必要加时间了！
I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attend many activities to foster the abilities in research of biological systems during my campus life
中的“attend ”应该用attended较为合适
I have published a paper at SPIE as the name of Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy.
有两个问题：
1、论文题目用能name不是很好，好像是chinlish!
应该用title会好的多！
2、I have published a paper 不是很妥当，因为你不是出版商，你要强调的是你的论文发表到哪了，所以应该换个词或换个表达会好点，具体哪个词好，我也没想好，觉得可借鉴
“His article appeared in China Daily yesterday.他的文章昨天发表于“中国日报”上。”
可能可以这样表达：My paper appeared at SPIE with the title "Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy".
也可以这样（换表达方式用被动，更显示出对论文的强调）：My paper has been published at SPIE with the title "Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy".以上只是我临时想的，欠缺之处在所难免，望能起到抛砖引玉的作用，大家共同学习，共同进步！
我说的不对之处，希望达人们能指点！
引用第8楼swens123于2006-11-22 13:56发表的“”:
４、I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.中的is应当改为was
５、The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors.中的which应改为that 。
.......
引用第8楼swens123于2006-11-22 13:56发表的“”:
７、If it is lucky enough for me to中的enough改为ｗｏｎｄｅｒｆｕｌ
９、for the following two years.中for改为during
.......
楼上改的不是很对吧！an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal
这是个事实，没必要改时态了！
那个which就从句而言，没必要改，加了逗号后只能用which！
原句的enough比你改的wonderful好，不但通顺，而且符合词语搭配习惯！
原句的for用的没错，因为他是将其放在句末，表示对以后两年。。。
如果用during则会导致错误！
再一个，楼主最好把
５、The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors.
改的短一点，这个句子太长。如果用两个句子来表达会好一点，其中用it什么连接效果也不错
发表于 2006-11-21 11:17:23