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[[原创地带]] 我申请学校用的studyplan,献丑^_^

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发表于 2006-11-14 15:19:49 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
My name is ***. I was born on Jan 9th, 1985. I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006. My major is Biosystem Engineering. I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attend many activities to foster the abilities in research of biological systems during my campus life. During the time period in Zhejiang University, I devoted myself to research, such as auto-navigate of agricultural machine and real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy, and I have published a paper at SPIE as the name of Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy. Also, my undergraduate study gives me a lot of opportunities to accumulate considerable capability and I become increasingly adapted to analyzing and solving problems. And finally I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.
The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors. Thus, it is my great honor to be admitted by the Department of Biological Systems Engineering at Kangwon National University. Kangwon National University is respected worldwide for its proud tradition of being a growing, dynamic research centre. The professors here are excellent in teaching and research. Further more, I am especially interested in the research topic of Autonomous Guidance Vehicle and Agricultural Robot in the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin.
If it is lucky enough for me to be admitted by Kangwon National University, I will develop my Korean excellently, and then, as a graduate student I will study at the area of Autonomous Guidance Vehicle and Agricultural Robot from Professor Beom-Soo Shin, and I will finish all of the classes such as Automatic control, Advanced measurement, Sensor Technology, Image Processing, Numerical Analysis, Tractor Engineering, Visual C++ programming, Microprocessor application, Advanced Dynamics for the following two years. I plan to learn three courses per semester, and do my graduation project at last term. On the other hand, I will work hard at the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin, in order to do my project better; I will learn the software of Labview and Matlab. I deeply believe that I can become an outstanding talented person in Kangwon National University.
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 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-14 15:22:04 | 显示全部楼层
实在是苦于没有威望,看不了帖子,所以只好拿这遍文章来献丑了
大家看看,讨论一下里面的语法错误,本人英语不强,一定虚心接受大家的指导。
想想当初也是花了很多心思写的,希望版版能加点威望哈
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发表于 2006-11-19 17:15:58 | 显示全部楼层
studyplan不是申请本科用的吗?
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发表于 2006-11-20 17:34:18 | 显示全部楼层
我觉得以下几点需要改动一下:
1:I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006.
改:I graduated...............................................
2.During the time period in Zhejiang University,..............
uring college, ..............,这样较符合英文的简洁的习惯.
3.........I devoted myself to research, such as auto-navigate of agricultural machine and real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy......
改:I devoted myself to research these fields such as ......................在such as 前要有一个总的名词作research的宾语.
4.And finally I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational .
改: At last, I'm sure to  I would work for researcher as my goal.

第一段我觉得这样改.会顺一些.水平有限,班门弄斧啦.
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发表于 2006-11-21 11:17:23 | 显示全部楼层
我觉得这句I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006.
应改为I have just graduated from Zhejiang University
这样比较强调你是刚毕业的,just表示出了就近时间毕业的
所以没必要加时间了!
I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attend many activities to foster the abilities in research of biological systems during my campus life
中的“attend ”应该用attended较为合适
I have published a paper at SPIE as the name of Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy.
有两个问题:
1、论文题目用能name不是很好,好像是chinlish!
应该用title会好的多!
2、I have published a paper 不是很妥当,因为你不是出版商,你要强调的是你的论文发表到哪了,所以应该换个词或换个表达会好点,具体哪个词好,我也没想好,觉得可借鉴
“His article appeared in China Daily yesterday.他的文章昨天发表于“中国日报”上。”
可能可以这样表达:My paper  appeared at SPIE with the title "Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy".
也可以这样(换表达方式用被动,更显示出对论文的强调):My paper  has been  published  at SPIE with the title "Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy".以上只是我临时想的,欠缺之处在所难免,望能起到抛砖引玉的作用,大家共同学习,共同进步!
我说的不对之处,希望达人们能指点!
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 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-21 16:12:56 | 显示全部楼层
引用第3楼txm1682006-11-20 17:34发表的“”:
我觉得以下几点需要改动一下:
1:I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006.
改:I graduated...............................................
2.During the time period in Zhejiang University,..............
uring college, ..............,这样较符合英文的简洁的习惯.
.......
1好像是个低级错误咯,我太粗心了-_-
其实我也想简洁的,但这样就字数太少,不好看了咯
英文水平较烂,大家多指导咯
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 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-21 16:14:48 | 显示全部楼层
引用第4楼niceview2006-11-21 11:17发表的“”:
我觉得这句I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006.
应改为I have just graduated from Zhejiang University
这样比较强调你是刚毕业的,just表示出了就近时间毕业的
所以没必要加时间了!
I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attend many activities to foster the abilities in research of biological systems during my campus life
.......
恩,我受中式英语影响太大了咯,发表文章那个经你一改顺多了,非常感谢咯
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发表于 2006-11-22 13:11:02 | 显示全部楼层
My pleasure!
hlep u is to help me!
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发表于 2006-11-22 13:56:48 | 显示全部楼层
1、During the time period in Zhejiang University中的time删去
2、adapted to analyzing and solving problems中的analyzing and solving改为analyze and solve
3、I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.
4、I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.中的is应当改为was
5、The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors.中的which应改为that 。
6、in teaching and research中的research改为researching。
7、If it is lucky enough for me to中的enough改为wonderful
8、at the area of中的at 改为in
9、for the following two years.中for改为during
水平有限,说不定连别人对的地方也给改了,相互学习,大家别见怪。
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发表于 2006-11-22 14:36:24 | 显示全部楼层
1 I attend many activities改为 I join in many activities ‘attend’ 多指出席
2 my campus life 太直译了,改为 my life in campus
3 During the time period in Zhejiang University 改为 During the time in ----
4 as the name of 改为 named as
5 considerable capability 改为 considerable capabilities
6 at the area of 改为 in the area of
These are some views on the studyplan for us to discuss mutually. That’s all.
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发表于 2006-11-22 14:44:18 | 显示全部楼层
引用第8楼swens1232006-11-22 13:56发表的“”:
4、I was sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.中的is应当改为was
5、The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors.中的which应改为that 。
.......
引用第8楼swens1232006-11-22 13:56发表的“”:
7、If it is lucky enough for me to中的enough改为wonderful
9、for the following two years.中for改为during
.......
楼上改的不是很对吧!an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal
这是个事实,没必要改时态了!
那个which就从句而言,没必要改,加了逗号后只能用which!
原句的enough比你改的wonderful好,不但通顺,而且符合词语搭配习惯!
原句的for用的没错,因为他是将其放在句末,表示对以后两年。。。
如果用during则会导致错误!

再一个,楼主最好把
5、The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors.
改的短一点,这个句子太长。如果用两个句子来表达会好一点,其中用it什么连接效果也不错
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发表于 2006-11-22 20:03:57 | 显示全部楼层
My name is ***. I was born on Jan 9th, 1985. I graduated (原来为graduate)from Zhejiang University in July, 2006. My major is Biosystem Engineering. I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attended (attend)many activities to foster the abilities in research of biological systems during my campus life. During the time (删掉period) in Zhejiang University, I devoted myself to research, such as auto-navigate of agricultural machine and real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy, and I have published a paper at SPIE as the name of Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy. Also, my undergraduate study gives me a lot of opportunities to accumulate considerable capability and I become increasingly adapted to analyzing and solving problems. And finally I was sure that an academic career as a researcher isnot my overall educational goal.
The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors. Thus, I decide to pursue my futher study in(根据后文这样改比较合适it is my great honor to be admitted by )the Department of Biological Systems Engineering at Kangwon National University. Kangwon National University is respected worldwide for its proud tradition of being a growing, dynamic research centre. The professors here are excellent in teaching and research. Further more, I am especially interested in the research topic of Autonomous Guidance Vehicle and Agricultural Robot in the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin.
If it is lucky enough for me to be admitted by Kangwon National University, I will .......... I plan to learn three courses per semester, and do my graduation project at last term. On the other hand, I will work hard at the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin, in order to do my project better; I will learn the software of Labview and Matlab. I deeply believe that I can become an outstanding (有outstanging 足矣, 可以不用talented)person in Kangwon National University.

个人拙见,改得不好请多指教!
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发表于 2006-11-23 13:27:12 | 显示全部楼层
My name is ***. I was born on Jan 这种情况一般不用缩写9th, 1985. I graduate from Zhejiang University in July, 2006. 看不出你是想表达“已经毕业”还是“将于 in July, 2006毕业”,按理说应该毕业了,就应该说graduated
my major is Biosystem Engineering. I’m interested in Biological Systems Engineering and I attend have attended many activities to foster 很少见这种搭配,用develop较好吧?the abilities in 通过“through”research of biological systems during my campus life.
During the time period four years in Zhejiang University, I devoted myself to research, such as auto-navigate of agricultural machine and real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy, and I have published a paper at SPIE as 应该为with the name of Design and validation of software for real-time soluble solids content evaluation of peach by near infrared spectroscopy. Also, my undergraduate study gives 改为provides me a lot of opportunities to accumulate 你见过这种搭配吗?我没见过,最好核实一下considerable capability and I become increasingly adapted to analyzing and solving problems. And finally I was 最好改为am sure that an academic career as a researcher is my overall educational goal.
The best way to ensure my success as a researcher of Biological systems engineering is to pursue graduate studies in a world-class biological systems engineering program, which would provide me with the opportunity to explore my research interests under the tutelage of experienced and knowledgeable professors. Thus, it is 看你下文你还没被录取呢,因此此处要改为will be my great honor to be admitted by the Department of Biological Systems Engineering at Kangwon National University. Kangwon National University is respected worldwide worldwidely respected for its proud tradition of being a growing, dynamic research centre. The professors here are excellent in teaching and research. Further more这是一个词,应放在一起, I am especially interested in the research topic of Autonomous Guidance Vehicle and Agricultural Robot in the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin.
If it is lucky enough for me to be admitted by Kangwon National University, I will develop my Korean excellently, and then, as a graduate student I will study at the area of Autonomous Guidance Vehicle and Agricultural Robot from Professor Beom-Soo Shin, and I will finish all of the classes such as Automatic control, Advanced measurement, Sensor Technology, Image Processing, Numerical Analysis, Tractor Engineering, Visual C++ programming, Microprocessor application, Advanced Dynamics for the following two years. I plan to learn three courses per semester, and do my graduation project at last term. On the other hand, 你此处和上面的意思没有转折或者两方面的意思,不用用此短语,直接用besides即可 I will work hard at the Lab of Professor Beom-Soo Shin, in order to do my project better; I will learn the software of Labview and Matlab. I deeply 这种用法也很少见吧,汉语里有,但英语好像么见过,去掉即可believe that I can become an outstanding talented person in Kangwon National University此处你是否应该加上谦虚一点的话,比如“在老师的帮助下,经过一段时间的学习”?.
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发表于 2006-11-23 19:22:38 | 显示全部楼层
顺便提醒一下,research 有名词的词性。我翻译时总用到这个词,所以留意过。
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